That Time I Got Into an Argument with a Teenager on Instagram, and Other Shortland Street Related Offences.

So I guess sometimes I get bored. But it’s not really boredom is it? More like complacency. Or a general dissatisfaction settles over me and it makes me feel angsty and argumentative. And superior. So superior. Like I get this craving to prove a point. Any point. And I just can’t let things go.

I guess that’s what happened this one time I decided to comment on a picture on the official Shortland Street Instagram page. Like, what am I even up to? Sometimes it’s just so frustrating when you remember that people take Shortland Street seriously and how are people so stupid?

It starts off with a picture of a universally hated character, one who had tried to murder another character. I’d only just tuned in after two years abroad, but already I could see how this character had come to be so hated. I think, for me, a lot of it was to do with how terribly the character was portrayed. In the past Shortland Street has been notorious for it’s seemingly oblivious hiring of terrible New Zealand ‘actors’, and maybe it was my period of absence that made me see the situation in such an acute light, but geez, this actor was seriously unconvincing.

So when my friend put me on to this actor’s personal Instagram account, I couldn’t help but be fascinated by it. It was like a train wreck that you just couldn’t look away from. Very quickly it became evident that the actor was a pretty high functioning idiot; hyperactive in nature, and *really fucking quirky!! 😉 ;)* In nearly every photo, she was pulling some ‘goofy’ face which just irritated me far more than it should have.

Now, the picture that caused me to revert to a pre-teen brat, was of the aforementioned actor with a kid that belonged to some charity that Shortland Street was involved with somehow. And wouldn’t you fucking know it? She’s pulling a face. It’s still imprinted in my brain. Sure, it’s somewhat normal to pull faces in selfies and photos with friends, but when it comes to a photo in a serious context like uh, a charity publicity photo, silly faces are inappropriate, no? Maybe it’s just me but here’s this dying kid (probably? I don’t actually know the context in that much depth) being hugged by a ‘famous’ actress from New Zealand’s worst daily soap, and she can’t even get a nice memento out of it. If the kid was also pulling a face that’d change things, like perhaps they’d prearranged to be goofy together, but this kid is just putting on her best brave faced grin and this other goddamn bitch is ruining it. Like, I should probably calm the fuck down but at the end of a week when I had been obsessing over this actresses stupid Instagram account, this was just the icing on the cake.

I don’t have all the screen grabs but the comment I made that started the avalanche of abuse was this:

“What is wrong with her face??”

Simple enough. Immature enough. Really unnecessary but it had been a long week of looking at this idiots face. Again, what the fuck am I even up to? I am 28 years old …

This is what followed.


In between mintysweet112’s comment and my YouTube jab, awesome_hannah threw some vague insult in my direction which lead to my feigning of offence. I say the offence was feigned, which for the most part it was, but there was a small part of me that recoiled, if just for a second. I had to remind myself that this person doesn’t actually know me and therefore can’t mean anything personal by their remarks.

Again, I am a 28-year-old woman …

Two days after awesome_hannah’s request to message her privately (at least I think that’s what DM means) which of course I didn’t do, she private messaged me asking what I was up to, just in general. An attempt to start a friendly tête a tête. I didn’t respond but she persisted by telling me that she had just been to “a really kewl beach”. OK awesome_hannah, I’ll bite. The following interaction then took place:

“Shouldn’t you be at school?”

“Iz ur mum proud of u?” [sic]

“The fuck does my Mum have to do with anything?”

“becoz ur mum iz a toilet”. [sic]

There is no salvation for the new generation.

On top of this shameful behaviour, I recently did another stupid Shortland Street social media related thing. Just before every ad break there’s a live Twitter update. At least I think it’s Twitter. I’ll be the first to admit I’ve got no business pretending to know the difference between all the various social media platforms. One’s a bird, one’s an ‘F’, and one’s a multicoloured box that’s supposed to look like a camera.

Something dramatic happens, the theme music briefly plays, a dark purple screen appears, and on it a pearl of wisdom from one of Shortland Street’s tens of followers. Some personal favourites have included “Woah, I wonder what’s going to happen” and the equally vague, “DRAMA!”. But I got to wondering, how can I get my Shortland Street opinions out to the masses? So I made a Twitter account. During Monday night’s hour-long episode I tweeted some witty and up to the minute commentary such as “love it how Lucy and Ali can throw an extravagant engagement party at the last minute and all the main characters are able to attend”. Then I waited, very eagerly, for the ad break. Alas my comment proved to cynical to make the cut. So I tried again, “good luck Lucy and Ali!”. Still nothing.

So I gave up. I know, I know, two attempts isn’t exactly a good effort but there are still so many days left in the year.

Like I keep on saying, this town is going to drive me insane.



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