Banana Cake with Chocolate Buttercream Icing Hello

I’m riding the old calorie counting magic carpet at the moment which isn’t as hard as I thought it would be and mainly just aids in distracting myself from the crushing boredom that is small town NZ. However, baking is also a pastime and so things like this badass banana cake, made with apricot yoghurt, dressed up all fancy like in some chocolate buttercream frosting happen and I eat more than necessary (not including the sneaky licks of the spatula in between spreading icing on the cake … It’s OK, the only people who will eat the cake are family) and then lay in bed wishing I was someone else in another space; another time.

IMG_1432 (1)Here’s the recipe for my Tuesday night suicide attempt.

1 cup white sugar

100g melted butter

3 eggs

3 mashed bananas

1/2 cup milk

1tsp baking soda

150ml apricot yoghurt (really any yoghurt will do but apricot yoghurt always seems to be reduced to clear at the local Four Square)

2 cups plain white flour

3tsp baking powder

Preheat the over to 160. If you oven is a piece of shit like mine is, you may have to adjust this. Sometimes more, sometimes less. There seems to be no pattern. I also have no idea what the proper setting should be for baking. I use the setting that is signified by a fan inside a square. You could also use the square with a black bar on the top and bottom … I guess this is the ‘bake’ setting but every time I use that setting to bake it fucks up by burning the top of the cake and not even sightly cooking the inside which normally means I’ll end up wrapping the cake in tinfoil and burning my hands a lot. Anyway, I’m sure you know how to use an oven properly.

Grease your pan. I use a round one. Who gives a shit what size it is. If it looks like a normal sized cake tin then use that.

Beat the sugar, melted butter, and eggs until pale and creamy. Or just creamy. How pale do you really expect a mainly yellowish mixture to get? Add the mashed bananas and keep on beating that shit.

By the way, you HAVE to use an electric beater here. I’ve gone the last 28 years not using an electric beater, even when the recipe explicitly says to and never thought it made a difference. But holy shit was I wrong. When the recipe says “beat until light and creamy” that is not the same thing as “beat until it’s all mixed together and the eggs still glug glug off the fork when you remove it”. Beating eggs, butter, and sugar makes a HUGE difference to the finished product.

So now that you’ve got this fluffy, creamy, bananary mixture going on, you wanna chuck half a cup of milk in the microwave for a minute so it gets all hot and shit then mix in the baking soda. It’s a good idea to start with the milk in a large-ish cup because once you mix the baking soda in, it’s gonna start blowing up like one of those lame volcanos you have to make at school. I don’t know how this benefits the cake but it does, so do it. Stir this white volcano into the banana mix.

Finally, add the yoghurt, and sift the flour and baking powder into the banana volcano. Mix it all up and pour into the tin.

Bake for 45-50 minutes more or less depending on the quality of your oven. Keep an eye on it and take it out when you can stick a knife in it and pull it out clean.

And that’s the cake. Cool it in the tin. Or don’t. I’ve never seen an advantage either way.

Once it’s completely cool, make the icing.

The original recipe I copied called for 60g of butter vs 2 cups of icing, 1 tbsp of milk and 1/4 cup of cocoa. I made as if to double that (because who doesn’t want more icing) but as I was making it, adjusted the quantities based on how the icing was forming. So here’s what actually happened.

120g butter

1 1/2 cups icing sugar

1/2 cup cocoa

4 tbsp (ish – I was just sploshing it on in there) milk

Start by creaming the butter. (Again, you HAVE to use an electric mixer) It doesn’t look like much but once you start adding the other ingredients it bulks out.

Add the icing sugar 1 cup at a time. When it starts to lose it’s creaminess, add a bit of milk and keep beating away. Add the cocoa and last cup of icing sugar, again adding milk to keep the creamy consistency.

And bam, there’s your icing.

It’s not fair that all this delicious stuff is bad for you. According to MyFitnessPal one piece of homemade banana cake is 195 calories. Just 2tbsp of buttercream icing is 181 calories.

Oh what a world.

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